The night time is the right time

Sometimes, you just have to let loose, and your dorm room isn’t the most appealing place to do so. So, you spend an hour or two putting on makeup, doing your hair and squeezing into your smallest, shiniest top. Or, if you’re a dude, you think about changing out of your greasy t-shirt into a slightly less greasy t-shirt and ultimately decide it’s not worth the hassle. Then, you hit the pub / club / rave / etc. and get your groove on.

Dos and Don’ts

Hold on a second, champ. Before you rush out and start pounding back drinks like a nightlife novice, there are a few things you should think about. To make a splash at the bar, you’ve got to have game. Memorize this list, and you’ll be guaranteed to go home with the hottest guy or gal (guarantee not valid in Tennessee or Louisiana):

  • Do: Wash up. Yeah, you’re probably going to wind up covered in sweat, spilled liquor and maybe a few other unmentionable substances by the time last call comes around. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to arrive at the club smelling like you’ve already been partying for hours. Take a shower, brush your teeth and put on some deodorant before you go out. When you’re drunk, you won’t be able to accurately judge how much you stink.
  • Do: Dress right. Some clubs try to cater to a classy clientele and enforce a strict dress code. You can be denied entry to a club for wearing the wrong shoes. Guys: believe it or not, there are some people who don’t think old Nikes, a backwards visor and a T-shirt you got in a case of beer are the coolest clothes ever. Ladies: it’s great to look sexy, but too many of you are crossing the line to trashy. Try to cover at least 40 percent of your breasts and 90 percent of your ass.
  • Do: Pre-drink. Bars are expensive. You can save a lot of cash by having a few beverages in your apartment before you hit the town. Bonus: the more money you save, the more you’ll have to buy drinks for hot guys or chicks.
  • Do: Bring condoms. Despite what you tell your friends, there’s a chance you’ll end the night in the bed of a stranger. Do yourself (and your random hookup partner) a favor and make sure you have easy access to contraceptives.
  • Don’t: Pay with loose change. Bring large bills to the club. You’ll slow down the line at the bar if you try to pay for your drink orders with a pile of crumpled one-dollar bills and a handful of loose coins. Just hand over a $20 bill and let the bartender figure it out. Make sure to count your change, though. Some shady bartenders will try to rip you off.
  • Do: Get jiggy. You look just as stupid standing there not moving as you would if you were trying to dance. The world’s foremost fake scientists estimate that 95 percent of the world’s population has no rhythm, so quit being so self-conscious.
  • Don’t: Get too jiggy. If a crowd forms to laugh at your lame breakdancing moves, it might be time to sit down.
  • Don’t: Grope people. Yeah, she may have been eyeing you all night. That doesn’t mean she wants you to sneak up behind her on the dance floor and grab a handful of flesh. Even if she does, do it somewhere private.
  • Do: Accept defeat gracefully. You need to acknowledge that if someone turns down your offer to buy them a drink, they don’t like you.
  • Don’t: Be a stalker. Don’t assume that just because they accepted your drink offer, they must like you. Some people just like free drinks.
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